JACKSON HOLE, WY – A 133-year-old dry goods company here, Little O, Stick on Ground, Big O, are claiming through their lawyers that internet phenomenon, Twitter, has “absconded with our trademark. The Twitter stole our logo.” Lawyers and their clients were present today at a press conference held here to announce a “look into the possibility of a likelihood for a chance of maybe bringing some sort of legal action”.

The possible action points not to the stick figure bird silhouette on a branch or the blue tweety bird button icon, but to the default user avatar icon (at right) which Twitter provides for either newbies, those too lazy to upload their own photo, or folks who are just plain camera shy (click on the graphic at left to see just what I mean).

Archibald Fruehauf, whose great uncle and great-great uncle (Little Oscar and Big Oscar Fruehauf, respectively) founded the dry goods company, says their logo has been in use almost since the very beginning. “They had some trouble with the original bell logo (which had double clappers shaped like Os) and name (Double-O Bell System); Alexander Graham Bell had issues with both. My great-great aunt, Takala, came up with the new name and a simplified, literal logo which was based on a game the two Oscars played, similar to ‘kick the can’, but with a stick. Little O, Stick on Ground, Big O. Or if you prefer, o_O. Both Oscars were quite rotund, you see, hence the letters ‘O’.”

Although no one can yet pinpoint a single source of funding for the almost-accused internet phenom known as Twitter, there appears to be no shortage of it. “We are well-funded and building a company to last” (from the jobs page on their site). Also:

“We provide the best equipment money can buy and offer free breakfast, snacks, and often lunch. Good burritos, great coffee, and Whole Foods are just blocks away. Sometimes we’ll walk to the park around the corner when we need to talk about something juicy or just get some fresh air (or a better burrito).”

Or when we have to kill you and dump your body. Seriously, though, the accoutrements rival the heady late ’90s, early ’00s of what would come to be known as the face of the internet bubble. Missing are the air hockey and foosball tables, afternoon massages, and the occasional lunch. Actually, their spiel has even this cynic almost sold. Not a bad gig. One could do a lot worse. I could see myself working at the Twitterplex. The point is, they’re “well-funded” and hope “to last”. Not for long, if these lawyers have anything to say about it.

The “possibility-of-a-likelihood-for-a-chance-of-maybe” bringing legal action is looking more and more like a class-action… “event”. Joining Little O, Stick on Ground, Big O at the presser (but even more on the fence, legally, if that’s possible) were recumbent bicycle storage company Hangin’ With The ‘Bents, lesbian porno film Little Whore and Big Whore Go At It! 4 (the director’s cut, not the b.s. version put out by the studio), and semi-annual eyeglass sale The Crazy Optometrist’s Upside Down Price Event. After the announcement, there was a group lunch buffet at the Grand Tetons strip club which I won’t soon forget.