DAISETTA, TEXAS – Well, first things first. No, your newly installed digital television converter box is not interfering with the color balance on your computer monitor. Yes, that is a French flag on le frite grande, or large fry. And it is sticking in a large puddle of mayonnaise, which has been unceremoniously poured from a large 5500-gallon drum provided by some French sympathizers keen on raining on the Mexican national holiday parade honoring their defeat of them. Try saying that fast while your mouth is loaded with fries, vinegar, ketchup, and mayonnaise. We here at B.L.O.G. are not ones to play favorites with the nationalities. I just needed a moment to chew, hence the answers to your imaginary questions, which allowed me to chew while I imagined you asking them. Okay… all done. Moving on.
Cinco de Mayo, of course, celebrates the “Mexican army’s unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín“. I got that little tidbit from Wikipedia, and you know they’re never wrong. What I didn’t know is that a sinkhole in this small, sleepy little town had first appeared on or near an anniversary of that very same date! Some town residents (population 1,034) began calling it the “Sinkhole de Mayo”, both delighting punsters and seizing a tourism marketing opportunity. The New York Times even did a story about it.
“A huge and ravenous sinkhole that threatened to swallow this little East Texas oil town gobbled more crumbling earth Thursday but spared, at least for now, homes, the high school and the main road …”
Run for your lives! I think I see eyes appearing above the mouth. It’s … ALIVE! The town Emergency Management head, speaking about the town’s oil history, said, “I’m used to things blowing up, not falling in.”
Which brings us back to today’s little prank. Some local Francophiles appear to have taken advantage of the large hole [ARTIST'S RENDERING ABOVE IS NOT TO SCALE. ACTUAL HOLE IS MUCH LARGER. DO NOT APPROACH EDGE OF HOLE. – Ed.] and have filled it with mayo (I can see there’s still a ‘tongue’ of mayo left in the vat), cooked up what must be the world’s largest French fry, perhaps in the world’s largest deep fryer (maybe located in another sinkhole?), inserted that fry into nature’s party dip tray (not a euphemism for something dirty), then climbed that fry, and finally planted a flag. French, of course.
Maybe the thing to do is: have a party! Turn lemons into lemonade! Gather around the sinkhole, hold hands, and sing Fah Hoo Forres. Perhaps the French Grinch will grow a heart and join in. Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!










